It's a device of unparalleled power and scope. Its ability is nigh limitless, with equal capabilities to help or hurt depending on who commanded it. It could end wars. Or start them. It could likely cure a myriad of diseases. Its predictive abilities are far superior to any stock broker, weatherman, or prognosticator. And yet, for all its vaunted multitudes, scarcely anyone took it seriously. It was just a wrestling angle after all. It probably wasn’t even real. Or perhaps that was just what those controlling the levers of power wanted to think. Because any machine quite like it could, perhaps literally, tilt the very Earth on its head. The concept of it was as horrifying as it was stupefying. In short, it's only limitation was that of the human imagination.

It was the SEERS.

And today… Well

… Madison Dyson was using it to get her fuck on.

Finally going to get some good use out of this thing! Madison rubbed her hands together, grinning salaciously. She picked up the VR headset from its recess in the side of the SEERS and strapped it on. SEERS, run program: ADEYUMMY!



With that command, the darkness within the headset turned to light, as millions of pixels alit and reformatted into a tawdry scene. A heart-shaped bed with sheets strewn aside stretched out before Madison. The walls were painted Valentine's Day pink. Near the corner a sex swing hung suspended from the ceiling. And just behind her, a rack with every sex toy you could imagine.

And then… knock at the door.

Madison primped her boobs, ensconced in the fuzzy teddy she was now adorned in. Hurrying to the door, she opened it. And there stood….

XWF’s Sexiest Man Alive.

Oh…. Madison swoons. What a surprise!

Hey Maddy. It’s me. The really real Prince Adeyemi. He leans in seductively and whispers in her ear. And I’m here to rock your entire world.

And with that, they embrace in a dynamic liplock, body pressed against body, feverishly tearing each other's clothes off as they get closer and closer to the bed. Once there, Madison jumps back onto the heart-shaped mattress as Adeyemi stands clad in only the briefest pair of briefs. Then, with a shit eating grin, he drops the briefs.

YUMMY!

Madison’s eyes go wide with pure lust as Adeyemi advances, a lion hunting its defenseless prey.

And, well, for the sake of brevity and to keep this strictly out of NC-17 territory, let’s just say that what follows is a montage of every depraved act of intercourse you can imagine.

MEANWHILE….IN REALITY

Dolly and Isaiah filter into the SEERS warehouse, discussing strategy for their unlikely 6 man tag contest on Warfare.

So what if you lost to Shark? This is the chance to reaffirm it as a one-off. And against a team the three of us KNOW we can beat! Not even mentioning that Madison is on a friggin’ ROLL

Hm. She’s done well…- The both of you have.

Dolly fights the eye-roll at his stoic response, as she and the now two-time former universal champion, Prince Adeyemi enter the scene. Adeyemi, is as serious as a heart attack, listening to the tag team champion, and a former rival of his beam with optimism.

Yer’ telling me! Madison has really grown.  A selfless teammate. A dynamic warrior.

The same Madison that’s been spouting some of the vilest shit… And liking all my instagram posts from 2019?

…Well, she’s learned to tame some of her uglier impulses, and it’s almost made her an entirely different person! Trust me-

She says as they fully enter the SEERS room, and are greeted by,

ooooooohhhh fuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkk!!!!!

The climatic moaning of Madison, lying back in a seat, her body shaking and back arching with the VR headset on.

She’s mid-climax. Pulling AdeYUMMY deeper... through the simulation. Everything intensifying around her as she peaks.

But in reality, she had cranked the SEERS machine well past safe levels. It begins to sputter and smoke as Madison moans louder.  The panels on the machine begin flashing neon pink warnings.

Dolly’s eyes bulge.

Maddy, what the fuck did you do?! she shouts, frantically running toward her.

[large]BOOM!!![/large]

The SEERS machine overloads and belches out a cloud of heart-shaped smoke. Consoles flicker, and reality itself hiccupped. A pulse of rosy light washed over everything. Isaiah was thrown into a wall!

The light subsides, and Dolly cautiously peers around.

Madison stumbles up from the seat amused with tousled hair, and smeared lipstick, thoroughly satisfied. Beside her… Prince Adeyemi?  Or… Some version of him.

He’s solid to the touch, blinking in confusion, with a faint pink light dancing around his silhouette.

Isaiah?

He grins, rubbing the back of his head with a lazy look on his face. His eyes drift to Madison, and Dolly could swear she saw them flash pink, filled with adoration?! Something was seriously wrong.

Fantasy-Adeyummy had merged with real-Adeyemi. The result? A charming, lovestruck hybrid.

Ladies! Adeyummy beams, sweeping both a welcoming Madison, and a startled Dolly into a dramatic hug. My eternal lovers! Are you hurt? You look so radiant he proclaims. Dolly squeaks and wriggles free from his embrace.

Isaiah… Are you okay?

Couldn’t be better!

Around them the lab quivers and transforms. Monitors and equipment morphing their shapes… a nearby metal lamp elongates suggestively, wires curling like vines around a nub at its tip. Diagram posters hanging on the wall now feature scantily clad men and women, striking sultry poses. Isaiah meanwhile glows with that same pink glow everything else has… Dolly’s jaw drops realizing that-

we’ve created some kind of…smut zone. she crosses her arms uncomfortably. The once steril-ish lab transforms into a warped pocket of reality, one consumed by hyper-sexualized surreality.

Dolly shoots a glare at Madison, who at least had the decency to blush. Okay, *maybe* I got carried away Madison murmurs with a happily guilty grin. But on the bright side- she gestures at Adeyemi, whos admiring them both as if they hung the moon- it worked?

Dolly pinches the bridge of her nose as Adeyemi begins twirling the cackling Madison in dance,

This is not what working looks like, Maddy! It’s the exact opposite of working! That is not the Isaiah I walked in here with. You’ve broken reality!

The only thing broken around here is my back. she purrs,

And I’m doing the breaking! Isaiah thrusts his hips forwards aggressively, a twinkle in his eye.

Dolly takes a tentative step toward the lab's doorway, looking for the main breaker,- only to feel plush beneath her. She looks down, tiles gone, only a carpet of rose petals winding through the door. The overhead lights have turned into crystal chandeliers draped in lace. Each one casting heart-shaped light pools on the walls. The whole building is warping beyond the lab, the SEERS glitch spreading the simulation like spilled wine seeping through carpet.

Madison follows Dolly, giggling like a schoolgirl, pulling Adeyummy along by the hand. He trails happily, sparkle-strewn and lovestruck. Dolly’s ponytail bobs as she marches forward, determination on her face. She needs to cut the power off from this machine and assess the damage. For all she knew, this smut zone could expand indefinitely if not contained.

As they reach the atrium of the building, the full absurdity swallows them. What should’ve been the entry to the control room, now resembled a grand sensual ballroom. A massive chandelier rotates slowly overhead, refracting light into pink and purple rainbows that intermittently illuminate various couples, throuples, FOURPLES even, making passionate love. The entire scene is a profusion of sweaty humping torsos and pleasured moans. Dolly scrunches her nose up. It reeks of sex in here.

Well, no duh silly! What do you think I was watching, the family channel? She runs her hand up Adeyummy’s torso.

I’d like to make a family with you. His face shifts to one of absolute seriousness, eyes locked on Madison… Who just simply slaps his bare chest playfully and dismisses him.

Look, we need to focus on….on….shutting this down. But I don’t know what happened to….

Just then, she sees it. The main power relay. The switch is in the midst of the orgy room, and the switch itself has been converted into a massive dildo. Dolly scowls and starts picking her way through the sex party, trying not to step on anyone.

’Scuse me…sorry….look out….coming through….

Finally, she grabs the veined shaft and yanks it down. The lights flicker… And stay on. Nothing changes. Oh no….

Whoa, look at my car! Adeyummy calls out. He and Madison are suddenly already at the front door, waving for Dolly to follow them. Follow she does, but considerably more irritated. She looks out the door at what Adeyummy is pointing at and throws her hands in the air.



Great! So it spread beyond the compound…. Her words drift off as she takes note of the treeline beyond the car, which is now full of branches of dildos, with knot holes that look decidedly vaginal. Damn it, Maddy!

Okay, it couldn’t have gotten THAT far.

How far does it go! How far does it go! Adeyummy sings with a little jig in his step.

But what if it did?! Redirecting her attention to Madison We need to drive into town and see how far this thing got. She shakes her head as she considers Adeyummy’s car. Isiah, can we borrow your car?

You certainly can, your highness. He runs to the car with Madison, bowing low before opening the door for both Maddy and Dolly, before hopping into the driver's seat, patting his lap for Madison to sit on it. Madison hops into his lap as he takes the wheel, safety be damned. Dolly settles into the passenger seat. The car starts up with a… Sensual purr, and it takes off down the path leading to town, with the pink exhaust inexplicably being filtered out the pee hole the entire time.

SOON AFTER…

Dolly knew they were fucked, no pun intended, the moment she saw the top of the water tower had turned into a giant titty. As they drove down main street, the extent of the SEERS damage was readily apparent. The townsfolk were fucking everywhere, even in the middle of the street. In fact, the street lights themselves now bore 3 shades of pink inscribed with the phrase “Ready, Set, BONE!”

Adeyummy steers around the prostrate fuckers as he and Maddy soak in the sights. “I’ve never seen anything like it. And I’m so glad I get to share it with you, my love.” Adeyummy coos. Madison responds by putting her head on his chest.

I mean, really, what’s so bad about this Dolly? Everybody’s making love. There’s no hate, no animosity, no cruelty. Isn’t that what you wanted the SEERS to accomplish?

Not like this. Not without people’s consent. And certainly, not like HIM. She gestures to Adeyummy. We need him to butch up or SEB’s team is gonna….is gonna….oh my God….is that….?

A man totally nude, save for a fedora. He’s masturbating to himself in a storefront window, while tipping his cap.

Hey don’t we know that guy! I’m pretty sure I pinned him down real good Isaiah thrusts his hips back into the air again, eliciting another squeal from Madison in his lap. Madison’s eyes follow Adeyummy and Dolly’s gaze, she chokes back a giggle.

YOU DIRTY DOG

The Prince-mobile swerves towards the man, who's soon joined by two others. Despite being mid-stroke, the man with the fedora has a look of absolute disgust smattered on his face.

Ladies simply ADORE me! They ALL wanna be in my kingdom, a concubine in my cosmic courts! But ughhhh, they just never quite-

He’s cut off by a finger to his lips, from a burly, slightly balding young man.

NEVER quite satisfy you! That’s a [yellow]#FAPFact! That’s why you need us don’tcha! Bastion![/yellow] The balding man exclaims with another hand reaching down and grabbing Bastion’s… baton, for an assist.

That’s right Barry! He needs the kinda satisfaction only our great ASMODEOUS can bring! The third man wriggles his fingers in the air, as if casting some sort of spell on the trio. He stands there, fully naked, bar a jockstrap with “BLACKED” on the waistband where Calvin Klein should be. He reaches over and grabs Barry’s baton, while Bastion reaches into the ASMODEOUS’ jock strap and smiles.

The trio begins to pace in a perfect circle, jerking each other off– literally.

Ya’ll are really the bestest of friends! But let’s be clear! All gods but some of us are better than others, I’m the star of this show, so I get to be right in the centre alright! None of you get to take MY place…

Oh of course! No matter where I’ve been, or how many #FAPFACTS! I proclaim, I will never be even close to the upper echelon in which you reside, and that’s a #FAPFACT!!

Yes, all equal but some more equal than others!

Indeed! Now how about we all cut an obscenely pretentious promo rife with hidden meaning and metaphor?

Right! Gotta score those Bacchus points!

I simp for you both and am completely unworthy.

Back in the car, Madison recoils in disgust. Isaiah, notices his lover cringe, but can’t get his eyes off the three men.

Oh! But do I also get to act like a total knob on social media and bitch about that time I got rolled up to lose the Xtreme championship?

Only if I get to rail on about my disastrous personal life and the devil on my shoulder that threatens my confidence and sense of self in what must be the one millionth tired take on that literary device! OH OH OH, and my dad.

Ooh daddy issues, don’t remind me…!

Ssh honey, look, I think they’re self-imploding

As the words come out of Maddy’s mouth, Isaiah and Dolly notice that each of the three heads were slowly getting larger and larger. As they prattled on to each other, literally circle-strokin’, like balloons they were blowin-

”This is too much, I think I’m gonna…

My penis is seriously smaller than either of yours. Flaccid.  And that’s a #FAPFACT! Tell me again boys how all the ladies love you so I can vicariously experience some love…

I think I’m gonna….

With a lurch, Adeyemi leans his head out of the car and hurls. A viscous pink liquid erupts from his body, dragging the mist around him with it. His glowing pink eyes revert to normal, as like in a scene from the exorcist, all the juju comes pouring out of him.

Dearest… I know they were disgusting but…. Are you okay?

The man looks like he’s suddenly awakened from a profound nap, and he looks on at Madison, sitting in his lap, with a combination of surprise and scorn.

What the hell are you doing in my lap?

Madison jerks her head around in surprise. Whatever do you mean dearest?!

Dyson, if you don’t get the fuck off of my lap….!

With a mighty heave, Isaiah King, once again of sound mind, tosses Madison into the backseat. Madison lets out an “eep” of surprise.

What just happened?! WHERE’S MY ADEYUMMY?!

No! Hold on! I think this might be the key to our problem. Isaiah! You returned to normal right after we encountered these schmucks, right?

I….I think so? He wipes a drop of pink still left on his perfect face.

So what if these three are sooooo profoundly unsexy that they can counteract the effects of what the SEERS did?!

Madison shrugs. It’s worth a shot.

Plus the likes of these three stroking each other off is totally consensual, totally normal. It’s probably resetting the SEERS to reality.

So what do we do?

We gotta keep them talking! Dolly hangs her head out the window and calls out to the trio in front of them. Hey, we really like what you guys have to say! You should keep saying it. LOUDER!

Oh! Listen! Those attractive women and that sexy swarthy man like us! And they said we should talk louder!

Well, it’s a good thing I brought this comically huge megaphone so nobody misses a second of my poetic waxings! He holds a massive megaphone aloft.

And with that, these three idiots begin droning into the megaphone in turn, and at first, it appears like nothing is happening. But then, slowly, the phallus shaped vehicle our intrepid heroes are in reverts back to a normal Lexus!

Holy shit, it’s working!

I think I might throw up again.

They all look at the window at the people who, mere moments ago, were frantically rutting away, but now, seem to be losing interest. In fact, everything that looked sexually charged before starts to revert back to normal.

Thank God we ran into these imbeciles when we did.

Yeah, I really don’t want to live out the rest of my existence as….whatever that was. He shoots Madison a concerned, slightly terrified look.

Are you honestly saying you don’t find it even a little bit….arousing?

Adeyemi muses for a very brief moment. No.

Madison crosses her arms and grouses.

One thing we can agree on though. He points at the bloviating jerkoffs before them. These three could never come close to touching us.

Figuratively OR literally!

Y’all are right. The three of us? We bring something they can’t prepare for. Pure, explicit mayhem… and actual teamwork, something those three could never match.

Well, it’s a little bit chaotic… Not my first choice of tag-partners… But I’m pretty sure we just saved the world. Just like we're saving wrestling beating these clowns on Warfare.

Can you imagine if we let the likes of them come do to our lil’ sweet home what they’ve done all over the rest of the industry?

Isaiah mimics a hurl.

Sucking every place dry, rambling on about broken relationships, bed-time whispers, and a disgustingly false sense of grandeur, circle-jerking each other to bliss while the world rots around them.

I think it’s inconsequential. SEB has only proven he can work as a team in the minor leagues, and I don't watch that shit. Sorry. I can’t take any wrestling business seriously where the likes of Lucy Wylde is a reigning, and dominant tag champion.

Hey, she’s the one who took the belt off me.

Aww Izzy, we all have off evenings, also that old man Kaye was dragging you down

Actually he-

Sshh, you might be prettier when you’re quiet.

But that’s the thing! Between the three of us? We’re some of the most dominant tag-wrestlers in all of the industry.

SEB though, for a guy who runs in a faction named after the gods, he sure has no clue who his friends really are. How many matches does a guy gotta lose before he cuts the losses and sets out on his own.

Let’s be honest, he hasn’t done so hot on his own either. Didn’t that Shark guy beat him?

Actually… He kinda beat me too…

Poor baby, what’d we say about speaking?

Prettier silent, right.

And some of us are prettier solo than with a group she nods at the circle-jerking trio, SEB is one of the greatest one-on-one wrestlers of our generation, and yet when it comes to building an alliance? The facts are, he’s been a disappointment. The American Storm has had more team success in the XWF than any of these three.

Think about it…

SEB’s team against The Revolution – LOST

SEB’s team in WarGames – LOST

Pantheon against TNGB – LOST

Pantheon against Ned and Prince – …you’re 0-for-freaking-never in team contests in the XWF, bubby.

This ain’t yer’ arena. 

And even where yer’ singles cred has to be acknowledged…

She smirks and looks over to Madison, and then to Isaiah

It’s null and void in this scenario.

What we’re looking at here is a complete mismatch.

Between the three of us, we’ve each been WarGames finalists. We’ve each been tag champions. And we’ve each defended our gold against some iteration of you three. Hell, I alone have won nearly 20 team contests in my career… just in the XWF!

The receipts are pretty damning if you care to look at them soberly, ya know, when yer’ not too consumed circle-jerking each other in yer’ little smut equivalent wrestling echo chambers. 

So, SEBBY. I bet you expect me to crow. To talk a lot of shit. I bet you’re thinking I’m going to be a sore winner. And you know what? I thought about it. I thought, “Maddy, you should handle this all casual and shit. Don’t make a big deal about it. Play it smooth."

Then you realised this is self-identified god himself

And then I realized….FUCK THAT SHIT.

Because I beat SEBASTIAN EVERETT BRYCE in the BIGGEST MATCH OF MY GODDAMN CAREER BABY!

Fuck you, SEB! You overrated HACK! I took your reputation to pound town and back and that is something you will never, EVER, get back! I humbled you on a worldwide stage. Me! MADISON DYSON!

And the best part?

You haven’t even reconciled that within yourself, have you?

Oh, I watched your promo at Ides. I watched you scoop that panty waist Bacchus and flush him out with all the detritus. But you know what I didn’t watch? You even acknowledging my victory. You even SPEAKING my NAME.

Dolly and Isaiah chant “Speak her name!” in the background, thrusting their hands into the air as Madi goes OFF.

And it’s because you can’t, can you? And it has nothing to do with looking strong in the face of Johnny Bacchus because let’s face it, even the most mincing limp wrist looks strong in the face of Johnny Bacchus without even a smattering of effort.

No. No,no,no. This is about the fact that you can’t even come to terms with losing to me. Because that wasn’t something that wasn’t supposed to happen, was it? The Empire doesn’t lose to the Madison Dyson’s of the world.

Except when they do.

Except when they get humbled and hollowed out in the most competitive promotion in the world by somebody that was regarded as joke tier for years because I allowed it.

Well who’s laughing now you smarmy, pretentious fuck?

I’m just dying to see what you come up with. How you’ll come to grips with this. Because let’s face facts, you kinda have to. Oh, you’ll kick and scream like a toddler in the candy aisle as the entire world forces you to acknowledge what happened. But acknowledge it you must. And if you don’t? You’ll look even weaker than you already do, won’t you?

So what’s the excuse gonna be, SEBBY? Caught you on an “off night”? Of maybe you'll stomp your feet and push out that bottom lip and declare that “you may have underestimated me once, but it’ll never happen again!” Yeah, that seems like the kind of hack level bullshit you’ll try to push on us. 

Madi glances at Dolly, as Isaiah swings his arms around his head and points to fingers at Waters.

SEB’s beaten me before.

Eh, again… we all have off nights, Doll.

But listen through a snicker, he’s certainly taken a few Ls since we last met up. And this time he’s not facing a Dolly who’s only just broken free from Misty’s spell. This time there’s no ghosts that are gonna’ bail him out.

The numbers game this time? Even. Sorta’.

Because Tact and Corey just can’t measure up against Maddy and Isaiah.

Yer’ lying to yourself if you think otherwise.

So even acknowledging that I’m the only person on our team who hasn’t beaten you… yet… does nothing to make yer’ situation better, bucko.

On top of being beaten by Madison and Isaiah, you’ve gotta reconcile whether I’m the same person you spoke so highly of at Spooky... or the person you said might be less than Misty at WarGames.

I’m 4-1 since then. Where yer’ a staggering 2-5 with wins against people not strong enough to make it in the XWF anyway.

I ain’t scared of you, SEB.

Never have been.

And now that you’ve hitched yer’ wagon to two guys I just ran through at Ides? I ain’t got a single distraction in sight.

You’ve got a knee of mine you’ve been narrowly avoiding for a while.

It’s got yer’ name all over it.

Didn’t think you’d come back so soon. I had to wait a whole year to face you again - a whole year to put this fist through that pretty little face. To make things right again.

To make the XWF great again. Wouldn’t mind doing that twice in a few months.

Sometimes you gotta stomp twice to kill a roach.

And at least with two of you, I’ve got you by the neck already.

Kaye and I made good work of Black once before… And who was that other guy? Where’d he end up again? Back when we were a young lil team tryna figure itself out, up against the great big Pantheon.

Two just need the classic double-tap to put you down for good.

And Tact, ugh… Still riding on the high of putting a half-baked Vinnie Lane out to dry? Must feel good to beat on old men. Hm?

Come to Izzy, and I’ll show you what the future looks like. For a man who claims to have everything figure out, to have the mind of a tactician, to study his opponents hard and well…

If you’d given my career half the look you claim to - you’d come crawling into the ring with your tail between your legs, begging for me not to rearrange your face.

You might think I’m reeling back from a loss to that psycho James Shark, but that guy was a killer, not some paper-pushing loser pretending to sound smarter than he really is.

A coward who pretends to be more brain that brawn just so he has an excuse when he loses.

Aww baby, I was just a producer, a promoter… Of course I lost.

Why bother getting into the ring at all, if you’re not gonna lay it all down - and give your life up for this sport?

You don’t cut it, you’re not in our league… That’s a fact.

Way to finish! Madison winks at Adeyemi,

The camera pans back to reveal Bastion, Barry and ASMODEUS still mid-jerk, sputtering buzzwords into the void as a tumbleweed rolls by. No one is left to listen. The clouds part. The pink mist dissolves and the world is set back to normal, by the actions of some typical jerk-offs.

Meanwhile Dolly, Madison and Isaiah walk off together.

Dolly wipes her brow. Well. That’s better

I miss Adeyummy already…but at least it's time to take someone to pound town

She grins,

So…wrestling?

Wrestling. Dolly nods

Let’s FUCK em up.


-fade to black-

4x XTreme Champion    (1x as Misty Waters)
3x Television Champion
3x Tag Team Champion (w/ Vita Valenteen, w/ Charlie Nickles, w/ Madison Dyson)
2x Hart Champion

4x Star Of The Month
August '24(As Misty Waters), August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
Tranquility: For Old Times Sake
Manifest Victory