Just wondered if anyone could offer some constructive feedback please?

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=28177

I thought it was a solid introduction piece that gives a taste of Matty and his personality. I'm looking forward to seeing how you adjust, adapt and respond once your opponents start posting.

(06-16-2017, 02:35 AM)Thaddeus Duke Said: I thought it was a solid introduction piece that gives a taste of Matty and his personality. I'm looking forward to seeing how you adjust, adapt and respond once your opponents start posting.

Thank you Thaddeus. I guess I wanted people to get a feel of the character, and some of the supporting cast that I intend to use, while enjoying themselves. I hope that came across. I am looking forward to having some fun back and forth in the future.

It came across, in my view. Young guy, excited to start livin' the dream, hanging out and celebrating a bit with his friends. Like I said, I thought it was a good way to introduce him to everyone.

(06-16-2017, 02:40 AM)Thaddeus Duke Said: It came across, in my view. Young guy, excited to start livin' the dream, hanging out and celebrating a bit with his friends. Like I said, I thought it was a good way to introduce him to everyone.

Thank you! Means a lot coming from the Xtreme Champion!

I enjoy that it's dialogue heavy - that helps a reader keep a brisker pace and kind of envision his own scene along the way. "Show, don't tell" is always a basic rule of fiction writing, and dialogue is generally the best way to do it.

That said, there are quite a few characters to keep track of here, which is realistic, but can be slightly confusing. The color helps there, as well as the formatting of the words on the right and left.

All in all its a fun read,not a burden at all, and like Duke said I think it does a fair job of letting us know who Matty is. Intro RPs are tough since there's nothing to do but start from scratch... it's like how every super hero movie has to start with an origin story.

Good job though, I think the character has a lot of potential. I like naive, flawed characters. They are more interesting, usually.

A lot of people have one guy, one story and that's fine. In my own opinion having a character with a supporting cast makes for better longevity and more depth. At any given time you could have numerous moving parts that are still centered on the star character. It'll be interesting to see what you do with all these folks and how they tie into Matty and his big picture.

I dont think i said what i meant here.

(06-16-2017, 09:51 AM)Thaddeus Duke Said: A lot of people have one guy, one story and that's fine. In my own opinion having a character with a supporting cast makes for better longevity and more depth. At any given time you could have numerous moving parts that are still centered on the star character. It'll be interesting to see what you do with all these folks and how they tie into Matty and his big picture.

I dont think i said what i meant here.

I don't disagree with that, I just think it can get a little crowded if you have like ten guys talking to each other in one average-sized promo.

Oh for sure. It works in this instance, but it won't always. He'll find the balance, I'm sure.