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#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (05-31-2013)

Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

I still couldn't believe what came over me. Even now as I look back and try to make sense of all that happened. Looking back and trying to assess if my actions lead to where I am now. I didn't know. What I did know was, I had been taken in by the police, after totally laying wreckage to my boss with the aid of a chair. The feeling was so...liberating. I finally felt like I could breathe and it was all thanks to the beating I gave my boss. Like something inside me finally snapped and I just let it take over. The power I felt staring down at him was like nothing I felt before. It was almost as if I reclaimed the dignity he stole from not just me, but the countless others he treated like shit. I'd like to think what I did changed him. That the next time he called someone into his office in order to verbally castrate them, he'd think better of it and decide against that path. I'm too smart to actually let myself believe that would happen though. Pricks like him don't change unless something really fucks them up. Sure they may be cautious with their actions for a while, but in the end an asshole like that always reverts back to their true nature. An asshole can never be anything more than an asshole.

What did that make me now? I had let myself lose control. I released my true nature, something I never thought I was capable of and there I was adrift in the sea of chaos. I sat in that cell, in the police station...trying to steer my mind to a normal comprehensible thought. Trying to grasp that not only was I unemployed, but I was also arrested for two counts of assault. How exactly would I go home and explain this one to my wife? - "Sorry dear, those window treatments might have to be put on the back-burner now because I don't have a job anymore. Yeah I'm unemployed due to the beating I gave my boss. Oh and I just may be spending a few years behind bars on top of that." - I'm sure that would go over real well! No, there's no way I could tell her any of that. I couldn't expect her to wrap her mind around what I had done. That concept scared the shit out of me. Although, I'm not sure what I was afraid of more, her finding out what happened or what she might do because of it. It's not an uncommon, or a strange feeling to be afraid like that either. Those who have never been married, would never understand, the fear of disappointing that one person you care about. It's a feeling you'd do anything to avoid. A fate I would do anything to avoid facing.

That was around the time I also realized, I wasn't alone in my cell. Glancing over I seen a man, slumped in the corner of the cell. He had dark hair and it appeared as though he hadn't shaved in months. He was dressed in tattered rags and reeked of a multitude of foul orders, the strongest being piss. His eyes were wild and darted around inside his head, like a man who lost all his senses. Like a man who allowed himself indulgence in multiple instances akin to that same moment I had in my boss' office. Once he caught my gaze, he kept it and pulled himself off the ground like he was drawn to me. Flying across the cell like a man who was possessed and sitting uncomfortably close. Keeping his eyes trained on mine, he began to speak in a quick, jarring tone. A mixture of delirium and anger coated his voice and he spoke like he could tell exactly what sort of man I was. He told me that he knew I was prone to violence and that not only was I prone to it, but I also enjoyed it. He revealed that he too, held such a passion and it burned deeper than any form of addiction could ever grasp hold onto someone.

I couldn't help but laugh. Not because he was ranting like he knew me, just from the few minutes we shared in the cell, but because deep down I felt as though he was right. So despite my better judgment, I told this strange man why I was locked up. He silently listened and when I was through with my story, he looked even more sure in the fact that he knew me. That's when he laid it all on the line for me. He said I could either sit back and dwell on what I had done, or I could embrace it. Let myself truly live! From there he reached into a pocket on his tattered brown trench coat and pulled out a business card. The card was for a company called the XWF. It was a wrestling federation and as soon as I read this off the card I scoffed at the idea. Me, a professional wrestler? The idea was absurd!

The man took offence at my instant doubt and grabbed me by the face as he screamed that the only thing that was absurd, was that I finally let myself feel alive and that I wouldn't do all I could to regain that feeling again. The lunatic was right. Why wouldn't I want to feel like that again? Why wouldn't I embrace that feeling and get paid for it? Strangely enough, it was right at that moment, the cell door sprung open. The ragged psychopath scurried away from me and returned to the corner of the cell, where he slumped back into place like he'd never moved, as a police office walked in. The officer informed me that I was being released and that the charges had been dropped. It didn't make sense. Why would the charges be dropped? I felt confused, but followed the police officer out of the cell. As I departed I heard the scruffy bum exclaim that I needed to embrace my calling. He followed up this message by cackling out a laugh that truly could only emit from a man who really was at a lose of his faculties. It was deep, hoarse and accompanied by a raging fit of coughing. A laugh I'll never forget, not even if I tried.

Outside and walking toward my impounded car, I realized I had no way of explaining any of this to my wife. Not to mention the fact, that I was now out of five hundred bucks for the impound fee on the car. What was I going to do? I pulled the card that the lunatic from the cell handed me, out of my pocket and for the first time, glanced at it seriously. Could I actually do something like wrestle for the XWF? Could I release the aggression from within me, like I had in my boss' office? Would I be able to do such a thing on a regular basis and get paid for it? More importantly, could I hide it from my wife? She could never know I was earning money by fighting. She wouldn't condone it and even if she did, I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with her being okay with that fact. Yet the prospect of at least trying this crazy notion, didn't go without temptation. I did enjoy the rush I got from kicking the crap out of my boss and who knows, perhaps I could pull off a double life. Besides, a little white lie never hurt anyone's marriage, right?

As I drove my car off the impound lot, I found myself twirling the business card in my hand. That's when I felt a surge of impulsiveness rush over me and the next thing I knew, I was driving to the XWF's main headquarters. The crazed filthbag's words had gotten to me and here I was following them, like I had been given advice from some sort of sage old soothsayer. This wasn't like me, then again nothing that went on today proved to be anything like I normally would do. Something had changed in me and I could either chose to ignore it, or I could explore what it was and accept it. So I threw caution to the wind and went with the latter. The hours on the road seemed to pass by like minutes and before I knew it, I was parked in front of the XWF's main headquarters. I sat there for a good long while, trying to work up the courage to actually enter the building. Sure I had drove there on an impulsive whim, but now that I was here, I found that actually entering the building was quite a different challenge.

As I sat there, I imagined the joy that my boss would get out of knowing I lost my nerve. I imagined him saying that he knew I couldn't do it and that he was right about me being worthless. Then I pictured what he looked like after I really let him have it and bashed him till a chair was rendered into nothing but shattered pieces of wood. That adrenaline I felt reinvigorated my body, as I threw open my car door and headed straight toward the XWF's main headquarters. It's what powered my footsteps, as I walked through the front door of the place and fueled my voice, when inquired about a job. Apparently I had the look of a man who was ready to take on the world, or at least that's what I was told before I was immediately given an interview.

The rest happened so fast after that, I scarcely remember the interview, but apparently I convinced the man conducting it so well...I found myself inside a wrestling ring. The man I held an interview with stood outside the ring as he instructed me with the facts that, if I lasted five minutes in the ring, I'd be given a contract and a chance to make it big in the XWF. That's when reality slapped me in the face. That's when I realized this was for real. There was no time for me to reassess the situation before the bell rang though. Suddenly, I found myself standing in the ring as this big lumbering oaf charged at me and all I could think to do, was dodge. The man flew past me and spun around. Not wasting time, the man lunged forward and really walloped me with a hard left hook. My head flew back, causing my brains to turn into a scrambled mess as my ears began to ring. I shook my head to gain some perspective back and things began to play in slow motion. The man reared up and attempted to strike again, but at that same instant every instinct in my body kicked in as I suddenly felt that snap happen again. This time it was a driving force instructing me to not fail, to purge forward and to take this man down no matter what. That's exactly what I did too and before I knew it, I was standing over a bloodied mass that used to be the man I was facing. He lay flat on his back in the middle of the ring, nose gushing blood and completely unconscious.

The man who conducted the interview and sent me into the ring, let out a long whistle. That whistle interrupted my thoughts and brought my mind back to a state of complete awareness of what just happened. I had done it. I had survived and now I was an official employee of the XWF. I was told I had to survive five minutes in the ring and I dominated my opponent in 2 and a half. The man who interviewed me exclaimed I must have found my true calling and that I made the right choice by coming in to seek employment. They needed aggressive men like me and that I would be sent over to the best place, an untamed man like me belonged. These words didn't really sink in though, I was still in complete awe that I had really passed the test.

They say everything happens for a reason. What reason all this happened, I still don't know. After contemplating things over in my mind, I am still not anywhere near coming to an epiphany as to why I chose the paths I took, or what changed inside me. Was it fate that lead me here? Was it destiny, finally calling me towards my true calling? I wasn't closer to believing that, than I was before I started this self assessment. Perhaps none of what happened in the last 24 hours meant a thing and I'm just an angry prick who finally took all he could. I guess in the end, that's not what matters. What matters is that I finally found something that makes me feel alive. Be it destiny, fate, or dumb luck that brought me here......so be it. Fact of the matter is, no matter what brought me here, I'm still here and I'm ready for whatever comes my way next.

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