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Kris Cruze · (08-22-2017)

First and foremost, I would like to welcome you to the Kris Cruze show. Everything you think you know, forget it.

I'm here to change the game.

I realized a short while ago that there were two men working for this company imitating my unparalleled beauty, and doing a poor job of it, none the less. Kris Cruze is the original. For all of those who may still be in doubt, feel free to flip through a few American Eagle catalogs. You'll be quick to find "The Chaotic Icon" front and center, modeling for the gay American male. I truly understand why you men feel the need to imitate me, and I just want you to know I'm flattered. But, until you perform at a level in which I think is acceptable, I will be here, knocking you down every time you attempt to get back up and disgrace a legacy I have worked hard to build.

You've been warned.

Kruzer · **08-22-2017, 02:10 PM**

Aww.. Isn't that cute. Well, all you XWF fellas were wondering about the ol'Kruzermatic... Apparently I'm motherfuckin' Elvis now; I have impersonators too. Didn't even know. A Kruzer fan trying to make a name for himself. Good for you kid. Have fun with that That's kinda neat.

Kris Cruze · **08-22-2017, 02:25 PM**

Jive Turkey? Does that qualify as an insult in the great country of Canada? It's a shame you choose to disgrace the country by being unoriginal and subpar in all that you do. Not to mention, who in the hell speaks in the third person when referring to themselves?

Let me educate you, Fake Kris, seeing as you seem to be unfamiliar with my legacy. Which strikes me as peculiar, seeing as you've modeled your entire career after me.

My name is Kris Cruze.

You may refer to me as "God's Gift" or "The Chaotic Icon", though the first is preferable, both are acceptable.

I am a 31 year old, proud to be American, dick slaying machine. In case that didn't register on your radar, I'm openly gay. I am an American Eagle model, first and foremost, but my illustrious career doesn't end there. I have held numerous championships throughout my career, and will continue that streak here in the XWF.

I will provide you with a sense of elegance and class, the likes of which the wrestling universe, specifically the XWF, has never seen.

Be prepared, my darling, things are just starting to heat up.

Also, Elvis was original and talented, everything you have proven to not be. You expect the fans of the XWF to actually believe that I am in fact the imitator, when everything about you screams fake? That's like asking me to sign your autograph book, and using it to cash one of the many checks I receive weekly.

But if pretending to be someone, something, that you're not helps you to sleep at night, then by all means, sleep your life away.

drezdin5788 · (08-23-2017)

this show sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

~~Prof. Bobby Bourbon~~ · (08-22-2017)

Wait, wait wait wait.

Which one of you guys did I pin at King of the Ring?

Kruzer · **08-22-2017, 03:09 PM**

Well, you'd definitely be the resident expert on unoriginal and sub-par bullshit there Jive Turkey. And Kruzer definitely doesn't need any education from you, Savvy?! Especially since you don't know that a Jive Turkey is a bullshitter... an imposter... A piece of shit.The ol'Kruzermatic couldn't give a fuck what you call yourself, ya dig? And it's fantastic that you're openly gay. Good on you... Slay them dicks... Whatever blows your hair back brother. No problem with that, at all... But the fact is that I've been around longer than you've ever been... and I will remain long after your fifteen seconds of "fame" are up here kid. It's what I do and what I've done for the last 15 years, Savvy?! Why the fuck would I give a shit about some 16 yr old model I've never heard of til now? I'm Matt Kruze dumbass... Whatever you've created for yourself in the modeling world, I don't care. I don't know who you are... And I really don't care. Just another Jive Turkey in a long line of them spanning my 15 year career. You do amuse me though kid...I'll give you that. But as far as I'm concerned... We're done here. That's All.

Ben Gazzi · (08-23-2017)

How about we do this? How about Chris Chaos, Kruzer and Kris Cruze all stand in a circle together while I strap on a vest and we all go to paradise together? What do you say?

~~Prof. Bobby Bourbon~~ · (08-22-2017)

(08-22-2017, 03:09 PM)Kruzer Said: Well, you'd definitely be the resident expert on unoriginal and sub-par bullshit there Jive Turkey. And Kruzer definitely doesn't need any education from you, Savvy?! Especially since you don't know that a Jive Turkey is a bullshitter... an imposter... A piece of shit.The ol'Kruzermatic couldn't give a fuck what you call yourself, ya dig? And it's fantastic that you're openly gay. Good on you... Slay them dicks... Whatever blows your hair back brother. No problem with that, at all... But the fact is that I've been around longer than you've ever been... and I will remain long after your fifteen seconds of "fame" are up here kid. It's what I do and what I've done for the last 15 years, Savvy?! Why the fuck would I give a shit about some 16 yr old model I've never heard of til now? I'm Matt Kruze dumbass... Whatever you've created for yourself in the modeling world, I don't care. I don't know who you are... And I really don't care. Just another Jive Turkey in a long line of them spanning my 15 year career. You do amuse me though kid...I'll give you that. But as far as I'm concerned... We're done here. That's All.

COME BACK THAT DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION!

Kris Cruze · **08-22-2017, 03:30 PM**

(08-22-2017, 03:09 PM)Kruzer Said: Well, you'd definitely be the resident expert on unoriginal and sub-par bullshit there Jive Turkey. And Kruzer definitely doesn't need any education from you, Savvy?! Especially since you don't know that a Jive Turkey is a bullshitter... an imposter... A piece of shit.The ol'Kruzermatic couldn't give a fuck what you call yourself, ya dig? And it's fantastic that you're openly gay. Good on you... Slay them dicks... Whatever blows your hair back brother. No problem with that, at all... But the fact is that I've been around longer than you've ever been... and I will remain long after your fifteen seconds of "fame" are up here kid. It's what I do and what I've done for the last 15 years, Savvy?! Why the fuck would I give a shit about some 16 yr old model I've never heard of til now? I'm Matt Kruze dumbass... Whatever you've created for yourself in the modeling world, I don't care. I don't know who you are... And I really don't care. Just another Jive Turkey in a long line of them spanning my 15 year career. You do amuse me though kid...I'll give you that. But as far as I'm concerned... We're done here. That's All.

Actually, I wrote the book on original and futuristic, you've read it. It's my autobiography that you modeled yourself after, obviously. Why would I need to know what a "Jive Turkey" is anyways? As far as I'm concerned, that less than logical lingo died with disco and calling your partner "Foxy". It's a scientific impossibility for you to have been around longer than I have, as I said, I've made you everything you are. If you're speaking solely about the XWF, I can agree with that statement. If you're speaking about the wrestling universe, then you are once again inaccurate and misinformed.

My modeling career has no bearing on the career I've made for myself physically punishing men like you week in and week out. And I don't mean my typical Friday night, if you catch my drift. Also, at what point did I claim to be 16? As far as I remember, I specifically stated that I was in fact 31 years of age.

We're far from done, Kruzer. Our paths have just begun to cross..

Robbie Bourbon: I can assure you, it was not I that you pinned recently. I have yet to display my dominating physique, or my incredibly adapting skill set.

Kruzer · **08-22-2017, 03:33 PM**

(08-22-2017, 03:18 PM)Robbie Bourbon Said:
(08-22-2017, 03:09 PM)Kruzer Said: Well, you'd definitely be the resident expert on unoriginal and sub-par bullshit there Jive Turkey. And Kruzer definitely doesn't need any education from you, Savvy?! Especially since you don't know that a Jive Turkey is a bullshitter... an imposter... A piece of shit.The ol'Kruzermatic couldn't give a fuck what you call yourself, ya dig? And it's fantastic that you're openly gay. Good on you... Slay them dicks... Whatever blows your hair back brother. No problem with that, at all... But the fact is that I've been around longer than you've ever been... and I will remain long after your fifteen seconds of "fame" are up here kid. It's what I do and what I've done for the last 15 years, Savvy?! Why the fuck would I give a shit about some 16 yr old model I've never heard of til now? I'm Matt Kruze dumbass... Whatever you've created for yourself in the modeling world, I don't care. I don't know who you are... And I really don't care. Just another Jive Turkey in a long line of them spanning my 15 year career. You do amuse me though kid...I'll give you that. But as far as I'm concerned... We're done here. That's All.

COME BACK THAT DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION!

Kruzer wasn't talking to you Robbie...

JackCain · (08-23-2017)

(08-22-2017, 03:01 PM)Robbie Bourbon Said: Wait, wait wait wait.

Which one of you guys did I pin at King of the Ring?

Fuck's sake Robbie, you get rid a'one, two more come along - is Chaos clonin' these bastards??

Kruzer · **08-22-2017, 03:48 PM**

(08-22-2017, 03:30 PM)Kris Cruze Said:
(08-22-2017, 03:09 PM)Kruzer Said: Well, you'd definitely be the resident expert on unoriginal and sub-par bullshit there Jive Turkey. And Kruzer definitely doesn't need any education from you, Savvy?! Especially since you don't know that a Jive Turkey is a bullshitter... an imposter... A piece of shit.The ol'Kruzermatic couldn't give a fuck what you call yourself, ya dig? And it's fantastic that you're openly gay. Good on you... Slay them dicks... Whatever blows your hair back brother. No problem with that, at all... But the fact is that I've been around longer than you've ever been... and I will remain long after your fifteen seconds of "fame" are up here kid. It's what I do and what I've done for the last 15 years, Savvy?! Why the fuck would I give a shit about some 16 yr old model I've never heard of til now? I'm Matt Kruze dumbass... Whatever you've created for yourself in the modeling world, I don't care. I don't know who you are... And I really don't care. Just another Jive Turkey in a long line of them spanning my 15 year career. You do amuse me though kid...I'll give you that. But as far as I'm concerned... We're done here. That's All.

Actually, I wrote the book on original and futuristic, you've read it. It's my autobiography that you modeled yourself after, obviously. Why would I need to know what a "Jive Turkey" is anyways? As far as I'm concerned, that less than logical lingo died with disco and calling your partner "Foxy". It's a scientific impossibility for you to have been around longer than I have, as I said, I've made you everything you are. If you're speaking solely about the XWF, I can agree with that statement. If you're speaking about the wrestling universe, then you are once again inaccurate and misinformed.

My modeling career has no bearing on the career I've made for myself physically punishing men like you week in and week out. And I don't mean my typical Friday night, if you catch my drift. Also, at what point did I claim to be 16? As far as I remember, I specifically stated that I was in fact 31 years of age.

We're far from done, Kruzer. Our paths have just begun to cross..

Robbie Bourbon: I can assure you, it was not I that you pinned recently. I have yet to display my dominating physique, or my incredibly adapting skill set.

What book? I read Tolstoy, Shakespeare, King, Koontz... Spielberg, Lucas... hell, even Tolkien, which is hilarious cuz I'm wrestling a Hobbit this week. So no... I don't catch your drift Jive Turkey. You're nothing... You're Nobody. Cuz honestly, if you weren't smart enough to get the reference that I was referring to you being 16 years old, 15 years ago... Then there's no point in this at all. I'm 7 years older than you dipshit... I wouldn't pattern myself after some snot-nosed 16 year old punk, 15 years ago when I started, Savvy?! You have no skill set; Zero. Back of the line dummy.

~~Prof. Bobby Bourbon~~ · (08-24-2017)

(08-22-2017, 03:42 PM)JackCain Said:
(08-22-2017, 03:01 PM)Robbie Bourbon Said: Wait, wait wait wait.

Which one of you guys did I pin at King of the Ring?

Fuck's sake Robbie, you get rid a'one, two more come along - is Chaos clonin' these bastards??

Clones?

I smell lizard people at play.

~~Prof. Bobby Bourbon~~ · **08-22-2017, 03:51 PM**

I don't literally smell lizard people, though. I haven't noticed any discernible difference between the scent of a lizard people and a regular people.

Kris Cruze · **08-22-2017, 03:53 PM**

(08-22-2017, 03:48 PM)Kruzer Said:
(08-22-2017, 03:30 PM)Kris Cruze Said:
(08-22-2017, 03:09 PM)Kruzer Said: Well, you'd definitely be the resident expert on unoriginal and sub-par bullshit there Jive Turkey. And Kruzer definitely doesn't need any education from you, Savvy?! Especially since you don't know that a Jive Turkey is a bullshitter... an imposter... A piece of shit.The ol'Kruzermatic couldn't give a fuck what you call yourself, ya dig? And it's fantastic that you're openly gay. Good on you... Slay them dicks... Whatever blows your hair back brother. No problem with that, at all... But the fact is that I've been around longer than you've ever been... and I will remain long after your fifteen seconds of "fame" are up here kid. It's what I do and what I've done for the last 15 years, Savvy?! Why the fuck would I give a shit about some 16 yr old model I've never heard of til now? I'm Matt Kruze dumbass... Whatever you've created for yourself in the modeling world, I don't care. I don't know who you are... And I really don't care. Just another Jive Turkey in a long line of them spanning my 15 year career. You do amuse me though kid...I'll give you that. But as far as I'm concerned... We're done here. That's All.

Actually, I wrote the book on original and futuristic, you've read it. It's my autobiography that you modeled yourself after, obviously. Why would I need to know what a "Jive Turkey" is anyways? As far as I'm concerned, that less than logical lingo died with disco and calling your partner "Foxy". It's a scientific impossibility for you to have been around longer than I have, as I said, I've made you everything you are. If you're speaking solely about the XWF, I can agree with that statement. If you're speaking about the wrestling universe, then you are once again inaccurate and misinformed.

My modeling career has no bearing on the career I've made for myself physically punishing men like you week in and week out. And I don't mean my typical Friday night, if you catch my drift. Also, at what point did I claim to be 16? As far as I remember, I specifically stated that I was in fact 31 years of age.

We're far from done, Kruzer. Our paths have just begun to cross..

Robbie Bourbon: I can assure you, it was not I that you pinned recently. I have yet to display my dominating physique, or my incredibly adapting skill set.

What book? I read Tolstoy, Shakespeare, King, Koontz... Spielberg, Lucas... hell, even Tolkien, which is hilarious cuz I'm wrestling a Hobbit this week. So no... I don't catch your drift Jive Turkey. You're nothing... You're Nobody. Cuz honestly, if you weren't smart enough to get the reference that I was referring to you being 16 years old, 15 years ago... Then there's no point in this at all. I'm 7 years older than you dipshit... I wouldn't pattern myself after some snot-nosed 16 year old punk, 15 years ago when I started, Savvy?! You have no skill set; Zero. Back of the line dummy.

Honestly, I'm not going to continue to repeat myself for you, Kruzer. You're going to continue to spout off lies and inconsistencies for as long as they benefit you. We all know the truth, and that's the important thing here. If you truly feel that I have nothing to offer, then how about you and I step in the ring together? I'd love to give you a front row ticket to your own funeral.

The ball is in your court, dude.

Kruzer · **08-22-2017, 04:21 PM**

(08-22-2017, 03:53 PM)Kris Cruze Said:
(08-22-2017, 03:48 PM)Kruzer Said:
(08-22-2017, 03:30 PM)Kris Cruze Said: Actually, I wrote the book on original and futuristic, you've read it. It's my autobiography that you modeled yourself after, obviously. Why would I need to know what a "Jive Turkey" is anyways? As far as I'm concerned, that less than logical lingo died with disco and calling your partner "Foxy". It's a scientific impossibility for you to have been around longer than I have, as I said, I've made you everything you are. If you're speaking solely about the XWF, I can agree with that statement. If you're speaking about the wrestling universe, then you are once again inaccurate and misinformed.

My modeling career has no bearing on the career I've made for myself physically punishing men like you week in and week out. And I don't mean my typical Friday night, if you catch my drift. Also, at what point did I claim to be 16? As far as I remember, I specifically stated that I was in fact 31 years of age.

We're far from done, Kruzer. Our paths have just begun to cross..

Robbie Bourbon: I can assure you, it was not I that you pinned recently. I have yet to display my dominating physique, or my incredibly adapting skill set.

What book? I read Tolstoy, Shakespeare, King, Koontz... Spielberg, Lucas... hell, even Tolkien, which is hilarious cuz I'm wrestling a Hobbit this week. So no... I don't catch your drift Jive Turkey. You're nothing... You're Nobody. Cuz honestly, if you weren't smart enough to get the reference that I was referring to you being 16 years old, 15 years ago... Then there's no point in this at all. I'm 7 years older than you dipshit... I wouldn't pattern myself after some snot-nosed 16 year old punk, 15 years ago when I started, Savvy?! You have no skill set; Zero. Back of the line dummy.

Honestly, I'm not going to continue to repeat myself for you, Kruzer. You're going to continue to spout off lies and inconsistencies for as long as they benefit you. We all know the truth, and that's the important thing here. If you truly feel that I have nothing to offer, then how about you and I step in the ring together? I'd love to give you a front row ticket to your own funeral.

The ball is in your court, dude.

It's really not dude... Produce your "book" Jive Turkey. Prove me wrong. ....Chett Anderson, is that you, you filthy fucking whore? ...I wouldn't doubt it.

Footage Courtesy of the Kruzer Archive & Pure Sadistic Wrestling Archive (© 2008)

JackCain · **08-24-2017, 12:26 PM**

(08-22-2017, 03:49 PM)Robbie Bourbon Said:
(08-22-2017, 03:42 PM)JackCain Said:
(08-22-2017, 03:01 PM)Robbie Bourbon Said: Wait, wait wait wait.

Which one of you guys did I pin at King of the Ring?

Fuck's sake Robbie, you get rid a'one, two more come along - is Chaos clonin' these bastards??

Clones?

I smell lizard people at play.

Christ, not those bastards again, I've buried two of 'em already!

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