One thing I notice is you'll need to proofread. I'm kinda positive you mean BRIAN and not BRAIN. Aside from that, its a very nice progression from a writing standpoint between Warfare and what you've done for ppv. I like the backstory. I'm a sucker for story.

There's a LOT of great roleplayers here, and I'd suggest taking some time and reading something from those around the top. It might give you an idea of how to get even better. How to better craft the story you tell. Rome wasn't built in a day, and we all start somewhere.

Overall, I like what you're doing. Keep studying, keep writing, keep improving.