03-15-2022, 08:55 AM
HIIIIIII-iiiiiiii! We are BACK after our first round/set/bunch/pod/flock of matches in the Plump Pigeon Tournament #Sar1ClassAXLY, and here's where we currently stand:
S Block:
Vita: 2 Points
Generic Heel: 2 Points
Ruby: 2 Points
Calvary: 0 Points
Oswald: 0 Points
Tommy: 0 Points
L Block:
Centurion: 2 Points
Cashe: 2 Points
Boots: 2 Points
Raab: 0 Points
HGH: 0 Points
Dolly: 0 Points
Now obvs, its WAY too early to talk about who is in the lead or whatevs, so lets jump straight into my (almost 100% accurate) picks for this week!
Rubes vs. Double Vs - ngl, if this was one of those "win or go home" tournaments, I would have seeded them as the #1 and #2 slot so that they had a chance to face each other in the finals. When it comes to who is or has been the "face" of Anarchy since it's inception, the argument includes a handful of names and these wo are included. In a perfect world, this would be a Noah on a Pole Match (the sexual tension in that love triangle of theirs was EPIC, let me tell you!) but he's dead, or something. Instead, they just get to battle it out in what is, in my opinion, the biggest match of the block.
Winner: Time Limit Draw
#HotBoi vs. GH - This isn't even a discussion. CalCal may be REALLY weird and KINDA creepy (but VV digs that kinda stuff so keep trying!), but he's nowhere even on the scale when it comes to this masked blob of fat. I expect this to be over quick.
Winner: Calvary by, like, a single punch
Shortstuff vs. Footsie - ngl: I lol'd HARD a couple of times last week while watching the matches from my palacial roaming office, and these two were part of that. Shorty claimed BarnDoor's spot in the #Sar1ClassAXLY by nefarious means (which I'm not normally a fan of, but more on THAT later) and nearly murdered GH, and then Tommy got all UP in Rubes' business. That was GREAT! Believe you me, speaking as a Certified Shoe Expert, I can say that that boot is worth a LOT of quan now. Sell it, TomTom! As far as this match, though? I expect this particular bug to go squishy-squishy.
Winner: The super small, short dude.
Old weirdo vs. Ruby's somewhat sentient "Zombie" flavor Bad Dragon toy - Let's be honest here: Only reason Boots has 2 points is because my ward, my padawan, my Mini-Me is wearing a cast. And while Centy's 2 points weren't exactly "earned" since he drew Vinnie's dumb custodian, he still had to trudge through a bunch of sludge go get them. Like, seriously, what the fuck WAS that convoluted, stilted, overly-produced, senseless, worthless SHIT he had to deal with in his match? Oh, that's right: Dumbass shit no one thinks is interesting in any way, shape, or form. Just another sunny day in Charlieville, I suppose! At least that pathetic crap will be over after March Madness.
Winner: Centy
The dude whose name is basically the sound you make when you clear your throat vs. that foul-mouthed janitor - Quick and easy win for Initials to get back into the thick of things!
Winner: HaitchGeeHaitch
WeakSauce vs. CastsRLame - Unless Dolly has snuck off to get some of that experimental surgery on her leg like my Beloved got in China a couple years ago, I don't see her being in the shape to face anyone. Even someone as weak-minded as Jason "no u" Cashe. A pity, that.
Winner: Cashe
Welp, that's it for this week. Tune in Thursday and keep your Eyes On Anarchy!
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