Did you know that your tag-team partner is bald beneath that wig? In our last tag match, I'm pretty sure she was trying to fix the damn thing while I was pinning Dolly...Jenny's inability to deal with her baldness was a total distraction!

Do you have a plan for dealing with her female-pattern baldness on this go?

Oh and btw....does your partner's wig smell like Chris Chaos's cum? Your promotional material for our last tag match sure did! See you on Savage, you fucking snake.

To: Charlie Nickles (email hidden)
From: mark_flynn@optimalpath.com
Re: Hey Mark Flynn

Chuckster!

I am so excited to see an employee reaching out, looking for thoughts. The only way we improve is seeking for feedback from our mental and corporate superiors. And seeing as I am the SUPERIOR Superior™, it makes sense for you to eliminate all the middlemen and come straight to me. What gumption! What gusto!

See below for my notes.

(11-03-2022, 03:44 AM)Chuckster Said: Did you know that your tag-team partner is bald beneath that wig?

Ooooh, Corporate doesn't love the word 'bald', Chuckaroo. There's an amount of stigma, it engenders negative sentiment in the hairless, hideous mole people we call the 35-44 average American male demographic. The boys in the writer's room are workshopping more inclusive terms, but in the meantime, please replace your language with 'follically challenged'.

(11-03-2022, 03:44 AM)Chuckaroo Said: In our last tag match, I'm pretty sure she was trying to fix the damn thing while I was pinning Dolly...Jenny's inability to deal with her baldness was a total distraction!

Hilarious, Chuckles! I've wrestled you every two weeks for a year now! Why were you hiding that you were funny? The lifelong-peasants-that-would-die-of-starvation-if-you-took-their-cellphone-for-an-hour that we call 'the 18-24 demographic'? They LOVE funny!

I'm going to put a gold star on your employee record for that, WoodChuck. It's as big of an accomplishment in the wrestling industry as 'OCW Savage Champion.'

(11-03-2022, 03:44 AM)Charles in Charge Said: Do you have a plan for dealing with her female-pattern baldness on this go?

Great question, Motherchucker. Lemme answer it with a question of my own.

Are you bringing a wheelbarrow to our match? Maybe lifting beams and a mechanical crane?

Otherwise, I'm not sure how you plan to carry Marf to victory.

(11-03-2022, 03:44 AM)Dill Nickles Said: Oh and btw....does your partner's wig smell like Chris Chaos's cum? Your promotional material for our last tag match sure did! See you on Savage, you fucking snake.

Considering only one of us directed a porn parody last match, I think that smell might be you and your promo cam, Chuck.

Hope you find it in yourself to take these notes and improve! Best of luck in your future endeavors!
Your pal,
Mark Flynn
UNIVERSAL CHAMPION
Success Story™

tL;Dr sorry not sorry

But do you remember when you said the WGWF was superior to the XWF? Because I do. It happened so recently, in fact, you said it just before Peter Vaughn kicked your ass!

Do you want me to roll the tapes, Mr. XWF Champion? 🏆

”Fact Check: I said WGWF was where people who had made their legend in the XWF went to continue furthering the art form.”

“Which is why I’m there with the biggest names in wrestling history, pushing myself even higher, and you’re trading time between here and OCW.”

“Enjoying being the big fish in the tiniest pond, Chuck? You like being the fastest driver on the slow bus race track?””

“I’d quote something you’d said in an OCW promo, but I can’t seem to find OCW programming on my TV.”

“Thanks for letting me live in your head rent-free, Chuck! Every 30 seconds of Flynn promo you watch is another dollar in my pocket.”

(11-03-2022, 07:50 PM)Mark Flynn Said: ”Fact Check: I said WGWF was where people who had made their legend in the XWF went to continue furthering the art form.”

“Which is why I’m there with the biggest names in wrestling history, pushing myself even higher, and you’re trading time between here and OCW.”

“Enjoying being the big fish in the tiniest pond, Chuck? You like being the fastest driver on the slow bus race track?””

“I’d quote something you’d said in an OCW promo, but I can’t seem to find OCW programming  on my TV.”

“Thanks for letting me live in your head rent-free, Chuck! Every 30 seconds of Flynn promo you watch  is another dollar in my pocket.”

You are aware your boss banned me from your little snake den because of all the CCPE ass I've kicked, right? You're delusional if you think that safespace isn't destined to collapse again, just like it did before. Keeping guys like me out of the company just to look good on Twitter is a bitch move, and the WGWF is a fledgling federation for bitchmade pussies.

Why don't you put the full clips of what you said out here, for everyone to see? You gobbled that Chris Page cock like a people-pleasing whore, and Vaughn kicked your ass anyways. Damn...imagine losing to that con artist. It couldn't be me! 

But you're really telling us that you think the WGWF is where legends go to 'advance their game'? You're either stupid, on Page's payroll, or both. It's probably fucking both! 

Seriously let's talk about it. What the fuck makes the WGWF worth a damn thing? The fact that bitchboy Page owns it? They have Centurion on fucking commentary? That federation doesn't even have a championship belt and they let names like Buster Fucking Gloves main event their shows. They treat Mac fucking Bane like a big deal over there! 

The WGWF is the XWF's mentally stunted little brother, and the only 'big name' you're fighting with over there is inside of Page's fucking panties! You took the XWF belt over to WGWF and lost your first ever match as our universal champion.....you really bent over and let Page fuck our whole federation, dincha'?

”Ooooooh, Chuck. I feel a little EMOTION behind those words. A little heat! Some goddamned passion for once!”

“Maybe if you showed some goddamned fire like this at any of your FOUR Uni Title matches, you’d  have this beautiful UNIVERSAL TITLE  belt instead of me.”

“Hell, if you went to Page’s Cannabis Cup show and put one-tenth of this chutzpah into your match, maybe you wouldn’t have let Raion Kido snatch this belt out from under your nose.”

“Of course, that’s not Chucky NIckles’ style, is it? All this losing and MEDIOCRITY? It’s all part of the plan!”

It’s all part of the LONG GAME! And in a year… or five years… Or ten years…” 

“No! In twenty years, when your joints have given out, when you can’t walk without a cane, when Tyler and Emily have officially changed their names to whoever your wife has remarried at the trailer park in Steubenville, Ohio… THAT’S WHEN THE PLAN ALL COMES TOGETHER. RIght, Chuck? All this gum-flapping and bullshit… It’s going somewhere, right?”

“Or is it more of the same shit? Where you climb all the way to the last step on the ladder… Then land headfirst at the bottom.”

“A year of headgames trying to chip away at Alias’ dominance. And what the fuck do you have to show for it? Not a goddamned thing.”

“Who ended up with the top title? Mark FUCKING Flynn.”

“What did you end up with Chuck? A small collection of MIDCARD accomplishments. A starring role in the fed that kicked out Vaughnie for reasons shrouded in mystery to this day.”

“And, I assume, an aching asshole, considering how butthurt you sound that Page left your Indeed application for WGWF on read.”

“Hell, Chuck, if you went into this conversation looking for a reference to get yourself a try-out  at WGWF, all you had to was ask.”

“Let me talk to my people. Unlike you, I have friends in high place that don’t hate the sound of my voice.”

“Maybe if you bring a nice suit to the interview and smile real wide when Page asks where you see yourself in five years… He might be able to find you a job in the mailroom.”

“Answering my fan letters.”

And that, my friends, is how you trick someone you recently beat into giving away their next promo for free!

Try really hard not to recycle any of that good stuff next week, because that will disappoint the fans, and then who will write you letters? Now that Flynn prematurely shot his load, let's see if he'll have anything new for Savage! Maybe he can bring up previous tag match results, because that seems fresh!

Toodaloo Marky Mark.

"Cute, Chuck. Almost clever."

"But, unlike you, I have the mental discipline to save the real hits for the finale."

"Hope you enjoyed getting shown up with my B-sides."

"And send an updated copy of your resume to mark_flynn@optimalpath.com. We'll get you scraping gum off the seats at the Velvet Rabbit yet!"

"Keep your chin up, Chuck!"

Your Superior Superior™
Mark Flynn
Universal Champion (one more time than Charlie Nickles)

"Charles in Charge, of our days and our nigggghhhttthttttttssss! Charles in Charge.....of our wrongs and our rigggggghhhhhtttss!"

"What the hell are you doing?

Jenny stops signing, looking at her Clyde.

"Sorry babers....I got caught up. It's such a fun song! Charles over here thinks he is running the ship around here. That ship has SAILED! Hell, that ship is the damn Titanic. He has been the speedbag for the upper crust here for months, and he still thinks he matters to anyone with champion next to their name! Frankly, its adorable!"


"Charles in Charge, of our days and our---" 

Chaos pounds the table, the cups jump. 

"I need a drink."  

Jenny watches him leave, a smile on her face as she mouths the rest of the famous sitcom chorus. She then looks at the camera. 

"Charles, do you really think you were banned from there because you were too shocking? Too over the top? To real? No. You were banned from there because you're too goddamn toxic. You're the annoying kid in school who tags along with the popular kids to look cool by association when in reality everyone laughs at you. Your goose is cooked. We have seen it all before. That brash arrogance and say whatever comes to mind schtick was great for a while but your biggest flaw? You refuse to change. 

You know the definition of insanity?"

"You?"  

Chaos re-enters the room with a drink in his hand. He takes a sip before setting it down. 

"What'd I miss?

Jenny looks at him expressionless. 

"What I was asking is if Charlie knows the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and ex''

"Expecting a different result, yes."  

"This isn't tricking anyone into anything Charlie. It's not a free promo, because Mark and I have......what do they call it these days.....diversity? You keep going back to that same dry well, hoping it will work. Like a kid shunned on the playground. 'They don't want me, well they're big stupid poopy heads anyway!' You are as transparent as a screen door. You want nothing more than to be hanging with the big dogs over there, but you can't hack it. And before you feel yourself chub up and get ready to blast ME for not being there.........just know this.......Chris Chaos and Jenny Myst are perhaps the two biggest villains to ever grace the XWF screen, literally us against the world with an entire company out to shut us down.......and if either of us wanted to go to WGWF we would be extended a hand before you could blink twice. So....instead of wasting air space and oxygen but playing tough guy when the red light comes on, how about you do something you have failed to do since the moment I TRICKED YOU into no longer being a champion and took your precious goldie.....

Prove us wrong."

LOLWUT Said:”It’s all part of the LONG GAME! And in a year… or five years… Or ten years…” 

“No! In twenty years, when your joints have given out, when you can’t walk without a cane, when Tyler and Emily have officially changed their names to whoever your wife has remarried at the trailer park in Steubenville, Ohio… THAT’S WHEN THE PLAN ALL COMES TOGETHER. RIght, Chuck? All this gum-flapping and bullshit… It’s going somewhere, right?”

"My brother in Christ, did it not take YOU ten freaking years?

Also, fight me, bitch."

(11-03-2022, 09:28 PM)Jenny Myst Said: "Charles in Charge, of our days and our nigggghhhttthttttttssss! Charles in Charge.....of our wrongs and our rigggggghhhhhtttss!"

"What the hell are you doing?

Jenny stops signing, looking at her Clyde.

"Sorry babers....I got caught up. It's such a fun song! Charles over here thinks he is running the ship around here. That ship has SAILED! Hell, that ship is the damn Titanic. He has been the speedbag for the upper crust here for months, and he still thinks he matters to anyone with champion next to their name! Frankly, its adorable!"


"Charles in Charge, of our days and our---" 

Chaos pounds the table, the cups jump. 

"I need a drink."  

Jenny watches him leave, a smile on her face as she mouths the rest of the famous sitcom chorus. She then looks at the camera. 

"Charles, do you really think you were banned from there because you were too shocking? Too over the top? To real? No. You were banned from there because you're too goddamn toxic. You're the annoying kid in school who tags along with the popular kids to look cool by association when in reality everyone laughs at you. Your goose is cooked. We have seen it all before. That brash arrogance and say whatever comes to mind schtick was great for a while but your biggest flaw? You refuse to change. 

You know the definition of insanity?"

"You?"  

Chaos re-enters the room with a drink in his hand. He takes a sip before setting it down. 

"What'd I miss?

Jenny looks at him expressionless. 

"What I was asking is if Charlie knows the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and ex''

"Expecting a different result, yes."  

"This isn't tricking anyone into anything Charlie. It's not a free promo, because Mark and I have......what do they call it these days.....diversity? You keep going back to that same dry well, hoping it will work. Like a kid shunned on the playground. 'They don't want me, well they're big stupid poopy heads anyway!' You are as transparent as a screen door. You want nothing more than to be hanging with the big dogs over there, but you can't hack it. And before you feel yourself chub up and get ready to blast ME for not being there.........just know this.......Chris Chaos and Jenny Myst are perhaps the two biggest villains to ever grace the XWF screen, literally us against the world with an entire company out to shut us down.......and if either of us wanted to go to WGWF we would be extended a hand before you could blink twice. So....instead of wasting air space and oxygen but playing tough guy when the red light comes on, how about you do something you have failed to do since the moment I TRICKED YOU into no longer being a champion and took your precious goldie.....

Prove us wrong."

Hey Chris.....do you know you're putting your dick inside a bald-headed freak? I mean obviously you know she's freaky, but don't even try having shower sex bro, cause when that wig slips off it's gonna look like you're slapping thighs with Mr. fucking Clean!

(11-04-2022, 01:13 AM)Kiki Said: "My brother in Christ, did it not take YOU ten freaking years?

Also, fight me, bitch."

"Ooh, faulty analogy there, Koala Bear."

"I battled upwards through a massive, multi-level CORPORATE CONSPIRACY to hold me down from fulfilling my potential. It took ten years of power-brokering, making deals, securing strength, deposing barriers... To create a path to where I belonged: THE FUCKING MOUNTAINTOP."

"Did it take ten years to simply *earn* a Uni Title shot? Sure did. (And I had to get it on a goddamned crossover show, not even from the main office...)"

"Compare to Chuck, with four Uni Title shots against two different titleholders. Multiple opportunities to headline multiple Pay-Per-Views. All ending in embarrassing and humiliating failure."

"Hell, compare to yourself, Kiki. Took you a month to get a world title shot back in '09. And another month to pick up a Uni... Clearly, you were a favored son of management."

"So... How the Hell is Cent in the Hall of Legends and you're not? How is fucking #FAKENEWS Heather Halliwell in the Hall of Legends, but my boy Kiki can't get on the ballot? And How the Hell did a top-dollar star like you end up in a New Zealand prison, having wasted his prime athletic years dodging shanks, shives and... other implements... in the ol' group showers?"

"Seems like you AND Chuck have made a career of squandering opportunities."

"I may have only gotten one. But, I sure as hell made the most of it, Kier."

"But, clearly, you're itchin' for a sample! You WANT A TASTE. Why don't I show you first-hand the OPTIMAL PATH SUCCESS SYSTEM™."

"Let's set a date, Kiki. Let's... evaluate your brand."

(11-04-2022, 05:58 AM)Mark Flynn Said:

(11-04-2022, 01:13 AM)Kiki Said: "My brother in Christ, did it not take YOU ten freaking years?

Also, fight me, bitch."

How the Hell is Cent in the Hall of Legends?

It's about time Flynn started asking the real questions around here!

LOL A'IGHT Said:"Conspiracy this, conspiracy that"

"Sir, you lost to the then-Uni Champ one on one earlier this year. Sounds like, by your standards given your moaning about Charlie, you were treated exactly how you were supposed to be but that he wasn't. That is, you were treated fairly."

I agree, he's a loser Said:"Compare to Chuck, with four Uni Title shots against two different titleholders."

"Three title holders. Thought you were the details guy? Still, maybe he gives good blowies?"

Stats man messes up again. I wouldn't normally get this pedantic, but most people don't dove the same way into the details as you Said:"...a month to get a world title shot back in '09..."

"Funny how earning it through a tournament where you run through everyone else available works for one of us but not the other...

Numbers man Said:"And another month to pick up a Uni..."

"Two more months. Details, man!"

This is the part where it all falls apart[/quote Said:"Clearly, you were a favored son of management."

"Had to wager my own World Title to do it. As in, sacrifice. Ever try the same? Also, your spiel about the legend status shoots this in the nutsack, dumb-dumb."

Longevity got them in but couldn't get you, LOL Said:"Cent... Heather... whomever..."

"You mean the guy with the most wins in XWF history? And the girl who was a cornerstone of a women's division, pre-my time that consisted of more than just three people at any one time and who continues to serve the XWF today? God forbid staff make it into the Hall of Legends, right?

A better question is, why is Steve Sayors NOT?

Also, Default was the name you were looking for to question legitimacy. Because he shouldn't be there.

But I should, and am not. I also earned ANOTHER Uni Title shot by winning Lord of the Ring in 2010, but never received it. Management's favourite, right? Fuck me. Better check your math again."

It's amazing how many details the details-guy can get wrong. Jesus, maybe this conspiracy was all made-up bullshit too. Said:"...New Zealand prison..."

"I have never spent time in a New Zealand prison in my life. Anything else you want to make up?"

Got 'em Said:"Let's set a date, Kiki. Let's... evaluate your brand."

"The amazing thing is that you've just offered the Universal Champion up to me in my first match back and still can't connect the dots for how I got so much so soon.

I only needed one too, Mark...

Next Madness, I'm taking it."

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)Apples and Oranges Said: "Sir, you lost to the then-Uni Champ one-on-one earlier this year."

In a non-title match, Kiki. When Charlie competed, the belt was on the line. It's not a hard concept. Analogies aren't difficult.

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)YOU DARE FACT CHECK ME?!? Said: "Three title holders. Thought you were the details guy? Still, maybe he gives good blowies?"

"...*eye twitch*..."

"Relentless 2020 - Chuck loses to Sarah Lacklan - Uni Title match"

"Leap of Faith 2022 - Chuck loses to Alias - Uni Title match"

"Cannabis Cup - Chuck loses to Alias, Raion Kido and Dolly Waters - Uni Title match"

...

"If you're counting the Cannabis Cup as a title shot against Raion, I consider the match against the titleholder, who was still Alias. Hence the term 'TITLEHOLDER'. So, I still count 2, Kiki."

"The real correction is 'Didn't Chuck have a fourth Uni Title Shot?'... Or did I hallucinate that?... I have my stats boys looking into it."

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)Logical Fallacy Said: "Funny how earning it through a tournament where you run through everyone else available works for one of us but not the other...

"Oh man, Kiki! I'm impressed! See, as you're aware, some disaster of mysterious origins makes the XWF a murky and mysterious thing in the 00s. The tape library really only becomes comprehensive around 2013."

"Still, I can't believe you beat competitors from seven different wrestling companies!"

"I'm astonished that you managed beat five guys in a weekend. Including the #1 superstar in the XWF Top 50."

"...Oh, wait, sorry. That was me."

"You beat some number of mediocre mouthbreathers and fell ass backwards into an XWF World Title shot."

"A title once held by Barney Green."

"I'm so glad whatever tape where that happened is lost forever."

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)...Fair Said: "Two more months. Details, man!"

"Absolutely agree. My sincerest apologies."

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)Sacrificial Lamb Said: "Had to wager my own World Title to do it. As in, sacrifice. Ever try the same? Also, your spiel about the legend status shoots this in the nutsack, dumb-dumb."

"I had to powerbomb my partner into an electrical box. Afterwards, my tag-title was taken from me against my will."

"Don't you FUCKING talk to me about sacrifice, Kiki."

"Also, while we're being pedantic..."

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)Cent Lover Said: "You mean the guy with the most wins in XWF history?"

"And second-most losses (behind Mastermind). Cent's win percentage is 65%... mostly against rookies and over-the-hill goons. Only World Titles from fake-sounding strings-of-letters, like 'OCGWTFXXL' or somesuch. But, no, absolutely, put him in the Hall of Legends. Let's celebrate that career."

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)Simp King Said: And the girl who was a cornerstone of a women's division, pre-my time that consisted of more than just three people at any one time and who continues to serve the XWF today?

"Anyone who stumbles over their ill-conceived words and thinks as uncritically as commentator Heather Halliwell cannot have been a talent in the ring. Fact. Heather thinks journalism starts with a 'G' and thinks 'research' is when you google something TWICE."

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)NEPOTISM Said: God forbid staff make it into the Hall of Legends, right? A better question is, why is Steve Sayors NOT?

"lol c'mon. It's Steve Sayors. What are we celebrating him for? Holding a microphone and only shitting his pants every OTHER interview?"

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)PRISONER NUMBER 785923892 Said: But I should, and am not. I also earned ANOTHER Uni Title shot by winning Lord of the Ring in 2010, but never received it. Management's favourite, right? Fuck me. Better check your math again."

"I assume it's hard to honor a title shot when a competitor flies headfirst into debauchery and drops off the map during a brief corporate hiatus. Speaking of which..."

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)Okay, but you did go to prison, tho, I have the news link right here Said: "I have never spent time in a New Zealand prison in my life. Anything else you want to make up?"

"God dammit, I sincerely apologize. I was referencing your past in a BALINESE Prison in Indonesia. The article was written by a New Zealand journalist. I'd like to assure you that the stats intern that dared SKIM that article has been sacked."

(11-04-2022, 06:38 PM)... Said: See ya at Madness

"I cannot FUCKING wait, Kier."

Barney Green is a national god damn treasure, how dare you bring him up in a non-complimentary way! And to think I almost didn’t completely hate you, Mark…

Charlie scratches his head as he watches a Micheal Graves promo from the year of our lord and savior 2025. Something about the way this guy talks, the way this guy walks, is just SO FAMILIAR!

But Charlie struggles to place his finger on it.

So he places his finger over the carbonator of a pipe, instead.

After a brief inhale, his eyes light up like a prairie fire.

He remembers.

Oh, my old friend...how could I ever have forgotten you?