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DZirado · (05-25-2017)

You know something? There is a lot of awfulness in the XWF these days. We have a guy running around kidnapping children all willy-nilly. We have another guy grabbing his privates and telling people to do crude things. Hateful, insensitive words are said so often that they almost lose their impact. This place has really become a cesspool over the years. When I first walked back through those doors, I did it with the intent of trying to find ways to help this younger generation of talent. I figured if there was a way for me to give back to the business that had given me so much, then I owed it to myself and the talent to do so.

Now, I have to admit. It didn't take me too long before I began to have delusions of granger. I started to think that maybe I had a little more than advice to offer the XWF. So at 51 years of age, I decided to make a ring return for a few matches. Well, I'm sad to say that I managed to keep the streak alive. After 32 years in this business, Darren Zirado has still failed to win a match. I'm not just talking the XWF neither. I have wrestled all over the world for companies both big and small. Everything from high school gyms, to the Toyko Dome, and not once have I had the opportunity to notch a victory on my belt.

Well boys, that all changes this Saturday at Savage. I'm teaming up with my homeboy Drezdin, and fine gentlemen named Mizian. We are set to take on the newly formed stable by the name of BX3. I can only assume that the B stands for Blasphemous because the very first promo that went up by Mr. Reno made a very ignorant and untrue statement about our Lord. Now I'm not one to judge a person on their sexual orientation. I figure those gays have just as much right to be happy as anyone else, and if any judging is going to be done, it will be by the good Lord in Heaven. What I can tell you, though, is this. Jesus Christ was not a gay! It's just not possible for Jesus to have been a gay. Think about it for a minute, wontcha'? When Mary because pregnant with Jesus, she was a virgin. The good Lord did not implant her with seed like a man did. Instead, she was filled with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is basically God, right? So, in turn, Jesus isn't the son of God, he is God. Now, with that being said. God isn't human, he is an all powerful being. God could be a man one minute, then a turtle, then a rabbit, then a deer, then a woman! So in turn, God can't be gay because God is everything!

See Reno, that's where you fail. You don't think things through as well as you probably should. If you did, you wouldn't be laying in the hospital right now with Ganasiflalalala infecting your foot. Anyone here could have told you that Jenny Myst is a harlot and that she was probably carrying around sexual diseases as a penance for her infidelity. If she were a good Christian girl, she would just think of Jesus anytime she felt an unnatural urge coming on. Of course, if she were a good Christian girl, she would keep them water balloons covered up a little better when she is out in public. I've got a damn kid girl, he ain't trying to see you in your birthday suit everytime he comes to work!

Then we have Bilbo Broomer Blumpkinz. He's another vile creature in this group of misfits. Keep it in your pants boy! That thing should only come out to pee and to make babies!

Finally, there is John Blaq. He's a sour some of a bitch. Probably still upset about what my grandpappy did to his great grandpappy all those years ago. He may be full of piss and vinegar, but at least John Blaq keeps it in his pants and doesn't go around touching dirty women in sinful places. So he must be the brains of the group.

Well boys, you've gone and done it now. When you allowed Mr. Reno to put out that awful promo about Jesus, you guaranteed one thing. Darren Zirado is going to win the very first match of his career. Because not only do I have two very tough and very reliable partners. I also have the power of God backing my play to kick your stupid faces in!

Oh, and I would like a large vanilla shake with that as well!

... Pull around to the first window for your total.

The camera zooms out as Darren pulls around to the first window at McDonald's.

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