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Tony Santos · (12-07-2013)

The scene opens in at the tip of the Belukha Mountains in Russia. A frosty -18°F, Tony can be seen sitting in a heavy, blue winter coat, black gloves, and a knitted winter New England Patriots hat. The camera man, wait...

Santos: Is your camera working?

The camera man nods his head.

Santos: How? It's colder than Egyptian Snow Pharaoh's vagina up here.

Camera Man: I'm shooting this with a potato, Santos. Potatoes can't break.

Santos: Well, fuck me, then! Are you cold?

The camera man stops acknowledging Tony as he turns his focus to the potato lens. Tony pats his knit hat with his hands, then fluffs the long hair of his that happens to be sticking out of said hat. Tony blinks a few times, then focuses on the potato camera.

Santos: Fine. Ladies and gentlemen of the XWF! Welcome to fucking hell on earth... if hell froze over. We're in the lovely mother country of the former Soviet Union... Russia! Why am I here, you may ask? Well, the reasons are twofold:

Firstly, I'm here to utilize this fine land of nothing as my own personal freezer. My own way to prepare for the rough conditions that will soon envelop me from December through February. Since I live in that Haitian/Latin American sauna, Miami, I need to avoid getting soft. I need to be ready for rough climate during my winter travels in the XWF, and, considering that I'm moderately wealthy and in no way financially supportive of my young son, I can make trips like this happen!

Secondly, I really like using areas and scenery that don't necessarily make logical sense to be associated with in order to add to the dramatic effect of my diatribes. Is it working?

Don't answer that... it's working. Well, it's working if potatoes actually record video... dude, are you sure that thing's doing anything?

The camera man man keeps his eye on the camera, seemingly frozen to the surface by these wretched conditions.

Santos: Fine, then, assuming that this "camera" is really a camera and actually working, then, you're with me on this. You've dealt with me for a good seven months and have yet to place my head in the guillotine, so I think I'm okay.

Anyways, I'm here to address a man by the name of Sid Feder. A man who calls himself 3x Better Sid Feder. After cashing his 24/7 briefcase in and stealing the European Title from Luca, which was rightfully mine in certainly a matter of minutes, he came to me with an offer. An offer to join him in his return to the XWF. An offer to raise hell on this company and its many rejects and unworthy champions.

And I must say, I was flattered. Sure, I wasn't entirely happy to lose out on my opportunity to take the title that most definitely was mine for the taking, and shit, considering how badly I'd waited to face off with Luca, how long I had to wait to get that chance, I wanted that match to end with either myself or Luca taking the fall by the other's hands. But, I truly was flattered. Sid's a hell of a competitor, and sure, his father is a cranky shitbag with an inflated sense of self, but Sid's, well, also kind of a shitbag. But he's a shitbag that I can relate to. A young, cocky asshole with a chip on his shoulder and a need to leave everyone lying beneath his victorious feet, I see a lot of myself in this man. A lot..

So Sid and I got to talking after Lethal Lottery. We talked in the back, we talked over the phone, and I even proposed a nice morning of coffee and figs, but he sadly turned that invitation down. I told him that I was enticed by his offer. I had to mull it over, but I was enticed. The possibilities were endless with us together. Side by side, we'd recruit two other members and relive the Four Horseman days of yore. It all sounded fantastic. Almost too good to be true...

Then, I remembered...

He's friends with Peter Gilmour. He has an almost unhealthy obsession with that fat skinny man, to the point where I wouldn't doubt they've taken to having champion on champion suck my dick sessions. Sid's pearly whites ever so gently sliding up and down Gilmour's schlong as Peter checks out his reflection in his championship belt. Sid takes Peter's load, then they swap Pete's bodily fluids in a romantic smooch that's 4x better than Luca Arzegotti. A romantic embrace that Sid had longed for. A dream partnership for two 14-year-old boys who like to sit and call people cunts because it's edgy and totally not PC.

I can't have Peter Gilmour around. I can't have Sid forcing Gilly in to our group. That would be the death knell of any respectability existing within our group, and the death knell of our shots at finding success in this land led by fucking King Theo Pryce.

Then there's that whole pesky European Title. That belt that should be mine. That belt that I've been working hard for seven months for, which I now deserve. I want that belt. I need that belt. And I need to wrench it from the hands of our champion, Sid Feder. Is he unworthy? Absolutely not. The man used a briefcase that he earned in last year's Lethal Lottery, a tournament that I couldn't win, even with all of the bullshit opportunities that were thrown in to my lap.

No, no, he's not unworthy by a long shot...

He just doesn't deserve it. Not with Tony Santos around. No way in hell.

So, Sid, consider this my answer to you. Consider this my response, and two days early, at that!

No.

Good luck making a killer stable with the illustrious Peter Gilmour. Hell, throw Barney... er, Allison, Green in your corner. A group of true LEGENDS. ICONS...

Laughing stocks.

Now get on your knees and tell me you love me. See you on Monday night.

The scene fades to black as Tony realizes that the camera man is dead.

Theo Pryce · (12-07-2013)

OOC: This brought a tear to my eye.

Liz Hathaway · (12-07-2013)

But Tony, Sid said that "

and cock blowers" aren't allowed in his group, therefor don't think Peter Gilmour is even eligible. Especially if you consider the fact that Peter desperately tried to have a match with me where the loser would have to suck another man's penis. Peter also talks about

and dick sucking in every promo that he does. The man is obsessed with all of the things that Sid Feder is against!

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · (12-07-2013)

hey Santos, if Sid wants me in the group thats his opinion. take your opinion and shove it up your ass!

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (12-08-2013)

(12-07-2013, 04:36 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: hey Santos, if Sid wants me in the group thats his opinion. take your opinion and shove it up your ass!

The residential angst infested grown up is crying to someone infinite times his greater once more. Not a compliment to Tony, mind you. Tony's fucking delusional, seeing as he thought he could beat me, but even in his most inebriated on the thought that he could've possibly pulled it off, he's still much better than you are, were and ever will be on your best day. Prove you can stand on your own two feet for once, you leech.

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **12-07-2013, 04:48 PM**

uh i think i have asshole

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · **12-07-2013, 04:50 PM**

(12-07-2013, 04:48 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: uh i think i have asshole

How? Beating a bunch of motherfucking jokes for a title that's meant nothing since Soldier handed the belt to the Dong in an attempt to fuck with me? That's impressive, really.

That's sarcasm by the way.

Archie Lawson · **12-07-2013, 04:53 PM**

You should also be proud for having a ass hole Pete, not sure where you would speak from if you didn't have one.

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · (12-07-2013)

u should be happy i havent killed the both of u yet ;)

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (12-07-2013)

(12-07-2013, 05:03 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: u should be happy i havent killed the both of u yet ;)

Why? You couldn't kill a spider, let alone a human being. I don't need to be lucky, because that isn't a thing. You haven't broken any necks, made anyone suck your dick, or any other of the five hundred threats you throw around to everyone who steps to you and assaults your anal regions with logic mixed with a dash of insult. You're the epitome of empty threats, and frankly, it's tiring.

Real version: "You guys should be happy I haven't cried to Soldier and the Feders yet, because I'm too much of a sniveling fucking cunt to actually do any sembelence of damage! Oh, please don't hurt me Luca, I'm nowhere near as talented as you!"

Yeah, that's more accurate.

Smoke · **12-07-2013, 05:10 PM**

I think we're not giving Peter enough credit here. At least he is able to draw the attention of the Feders long enough to have them listen to his incessant ramblings. And then actually do something about it... unlike Gilmour himself.

Also:
[Image: ostrich-dance-o.gif]

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **12-07-2013, 05:16 PM**

ive won on my own luca.. all uve done was lose the belt to feder so shut your vagina BITCH

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · **12-07-2013, 05:20 PM**

(12-07-2013, 05:16 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: ive won on my own luca.. all uve done was lose the belt to feder so shut your vagina BITCH

I lost to Feder, and I can admit that like a fucking man. You on the other hand, constantly bitch and moan and complain like a motherfucking toddler whenever something goes short of your way. You lose to actual talent, because every motherfucker can beat a Mister Radio or an Andrew Morrison, and when you do you throw a fucking bitch fit because you feel losing a match equals you being robbed. You're a worthless hack who has little to no talent.

I'm an extraordinarily talented motherfucker who chooses to use little to none of it to coast by victories against every motherfucker on this roster.

~~Wallace Witasick~~ · (12-07-2013)

(12-07-2013, 05:06 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said:
(12-07-2013, 05:03 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: u should be happy i havent killed the both of u yet ;)

Real version: "You guys should be happy I haven't cried to Soldier and the Feders Madison yet, because I'm too much of a sniveling fucking cunt to actually do any sembelence of damage! Oh, please don't hurt me Luca Peter, I'm nowhere near as talented as you!"

Yeah, that's more accurate.

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **12-07-2013, 05:28 PM**

well said i think wally..

Luca.. i lost to u like a man and didnt bitch about it so fuck u

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (12-08-2013)

(12-07-2013, 05:28 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: well said i think wally..

Luca.. i lost to u like a man and didnt bitch about it so fuck u

You know that I could drag up instance after instance of you whining like a sixteen year old bitch who got stood up by the school douche over losing to me, but I'll just show one: Remember this?

Keep on whining, Pete. That'll win you respect.

Hey Wallace! You don't need to stroke Peter's bloated ego anymore, you aren't in control anymore. Why was making the Autistic kids feel loved a part of your business model in the first place, anyway?

~~Wallace Witasick~~ · (12-07-2013)

(12-07-2013, 05:41 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said:
(12-07-2013, 05:28 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: well said i think wally..

Luca.. i lost to u like a man and didnt bitch about it so fuck u
Hey Wallace! You don't need to stroke Peter's bloated ego anymore, you aren't in control anymore. Why was making the Autistic kids feel loved a part of your business model in the first place, anyway?

Affirmative action.

Miranda Tigris · (12-07-2013)

(12-07-2013, 05:45 PM)Wallace Witasick Said:
(12-07-2013, 05:41 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said:
(12-07-2013, 05:28 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: well said i think wally..

Luca.. i lost to u like a man and didnt bitch about it so fuck u
Hey Wallace! You don't need to stroke Peter's bloated ego anymore, you aren't in control anymore. Why was making the Autistic kids feel loved a part of your business model in the first place, anyway?

Affirmative action.

Bah! Fucking government, and their need to put regulations on every thing! So much could be saved from our expenditures if they just got out of our hair and let us do our thing.

~~Sid Feder~~ · (12-07-2013)

:3 x Better:
Nice work Peter at being a better X-treme Champ than Luca could ever be. I'm pretty sure all of Luca's mean baby talk to you is just a result of his jealousy.

Yeah, I said it.

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · (12-07-2013)

(12-07-2013, 05:41 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said:
(12-07-2013, 05:28 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: well said i think wally..

Luca.. i lost to u like a man and didnt bitch about it so fuck u

You know that I could drag up instance after instance of you whining like a sixteen year old bitch who got stood up by the school douche over losing to me, but I'll just show one: Remember this?

Keep on whining, Pete. That'll win you respect.

Hey Wallace! You don't need to stroke Peter's bloated ego anymore, you aren't in control anymore. Why was making the Autistic kids feel loved a part of your business model in the first place, anyway?

brings up things from 6 months ago to try and be witty.. FAIL!

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · **12-07-2013, 06:10 PM**

(12-07-2013, 06:08 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said:
(12-07-2013, 05:41 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said:
(12-07-2013, 05:28 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: well said i think wally..

Luca.. i lost to u like a man and didnt bitch about it so fuck u

You know that I could drag up instance after instance of you whining like a sixteen year old bitch who got stood up by the school douche over losing to me, but I'll just show one: Remember this?

Keep on whining, Pete. That'll win you respect.

Hey Wallace! You don't need to stroke Peter's bloated ego anymore, you aren't in control anymore. Why was making the Autistic kids feel loved a part of your business model in the first place, anyway?

brings up things from 6 months ago to try and be witty.. FAIL!

Still relevant when you say that you never bitched after I beat you, and I provided dead on proof. You can't put a timestamp on that, Gilly. I mean, you still brag about beating those three rejects back in 2012, don't you? That's what I thought, cockbrain.

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **12-07-2013, 06:14 PM**

cockbrain.. u thought that up yourself douchenozzle?

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (12-07-2013)

(12-07-2013, 06:07 PM)3xB+Hx2=4HK Sid Feder Said: :3 x Better:
Nice work Peter at being a better X-treme Champ than Luca could ever be. I'm pretty sure all of Luca's mean baby talk to you is just a result of his jealousy.

Yeah, I said it.

Hey Feder, nice to see you coming right back to pick up the pieces of you friend's shattered feelings. It's nice not having to deal with the village fucking idiot at all times of the day. Now, I get to hear a slightly more intelligent motherfucker grunt words at me. What's your problem? Bitter that on crutches, I still beat you before your match with Evertrust even happened? With a briefcase I won from being the X-Treme champion (before it went to shit)? I bet you are.

Just like you're bitter that you got rejected by Tony Santos of all people. After you recruited him, the man who, y'know, claims to be just like me?

Yeah. Keep on wallowing in your self imposed mediocrity.

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · **12-07-2013, 06:17 PM**

(12-07-2013, 06:14 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: cockbrain.. u thought that up yourself douchenozzle?

Yes. The ability to form two profane words and then combine them together is a rather simple task, I don't see why you resort to stealing a common internet insult to combat it though.

~~Wallace Witasick~~ · (12-08-2013)

(12-07-2013, 06:16 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said:
(12-07-2013, 06:07 PM)3xB+Hx2=4HK Sid Feder Said: :3 x Better:
Nice work Peter at being a better X-treme Champ than Luca could ever be. I'm pretty sure all of Luca's mean baby talk to you is just a result of his jealousy.

Yeah, I said it.

Yeah. Keep on wallowing in your self imposed mediocrity.

Says the former European Champion to the current.

~~Sid Feder~~ · (12-07-2013)

:3 x Better:
Sure Luca, I'll sit down and let you tell me all about how your time as X-Treme champ only led you right to the bottom of my boot.

Tell me more about how you won a briefcase by holding the X-title, just like Peter is going to do? Oh, and I bet he keeps the fucking X-title even after he wins the briefcase too. Imagine that!

Tell me more about how you cashed in to become European Champ.

Tell me more about where that got you?

Sid holds up his European Championship with a smile.

And yes -- he really is sitting down so he can listen to the story.

:3 x Better:
Luca? I abso fucking lutely love your Briefcase Tale. I'm almost a bigger fan of that story than my own!

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · **12-07-2013, 06:30 PM**

(12-07-2013, 06:22 PM)3xB+Hx2=4HK Sid Feder Said: :3 x Better:
Sure Luca, I'll sit down and let you tell me all about how your time as X-Treme champ only led you right to the bottom of my boot.

Tell me more about how you won a briefcase by holding the X-title, just like Peter is going to do? Oh, and I bet he keeps the fucking X-title even after he wins the briefcase too. Imagine that!

Tell me more about how you cashed in to become European Champ.

Tell me more about where that got you?

Sid holds up his European Championship with a smile.

And yes -- he really is sitting down so he can listen to the story.

:3 x Better:
Luca? I abso fucking lutely love your Briefcase Tale. I'm almost a bigger fan of that story than my own!

You cash in right at the tail end of a match, fully refreshed from your own massacre of, who was it again? Oh right, Mister Natural. You wait for just the opportune moment to take advantage of the right factors, and don't get this twisted as me condemning you, cuz that isn't the case. Good plan, not gonna lie.

I didn't need a plan that complex, or to let you and Evertrust wear each other out. All I needed, was to hobble my crippled ass down to the ring and beat you both down.

Tell me, which is a more impressive feat. More legitimately impressive, I mean. Shock value is nice, but in a couple of months when either you wear yourself thin or you're gone again that impact will be gone, nada, fucking dust in the wind. I'll still be able to say I beat two men on one good leg.

Fuck.

And about the Gilmour situation, I can guarantee that he won't. For fuck's sake, he managed to lose the belt to Mister Radio before he pulled his head out of his ass long enough to scrounge together a victory over the spacecunt. And if Radio can do it, anyone can do it. I give him three, maybe four more days as champ before he shits the bed once more.

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **12-07-2013, 06:30 PM**

(12-07-2013, 06:17 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said:
(12-07-2013, 06:14 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: cockbrain.. u thought that up yourself douchenozzle?

Yes. The ability to form two profane words and then combine them together is a rather simple task, I don't see why you resort to stealing a common internet insult to combat it though.

no lucas my comeback was 5 TIMES BETTER THAN YOURS ;)

~~Sid Feder~~ · (12-07-2013)

:3 x Better:
See how this works, people? I say jump and Luca asks me HOW HIGH?

Why did you stop so soon though, Luca? Was that the whole story? Remember -- I'm sitting down for this so you have time. By all means do tell if there is more to your story. The only hope you have is spicing up the middle since we all know your story ends--

Sid holds up his European Championship again.

:3 x Better:
And what's this about asking whose accomplishment was more impressive? I'd say yours because it inevitably led you right to the bottom of my boot. Is there an echo in here? I'm damn impressed.

And yeah, I'm betting Peter Gilmour holds the X-Treme title longer than you did, and I'm betting his 24/7 cash-in won't lead him to the bottom of my boot.

~~Sid Feder~~ · (12-07-2013)

(12-07-2013, 06:30 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said:
(12-07-2013, 06:17 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said:
(12-07-2013, 06:14 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: cockbrain.. u thought that up yourself douchenozzle?

Yes. The ability to form two profane words and then combine them together is a rather simple task, I don't see why you resort to stealing a common internet insult to combat it though.

no lucas my comeback was 5 TIMES BETTER THAN YOURS ;)

:3 x Better:
Owned, Luca. You fucking blow, man. Go jump.

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · **12-07-2013, 06:45 PM**

(12-07-2013, 06:39 PM)3xB+Hx2=4HK Sid Feder Said:
(12-07-2013, 06:30 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said:
(12-07-2013, 06:17 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said: Yes. The ability to form two profane words and then combine them together is a rather simple task, I don't see why you resort to stealing a common internet insult to combat it though.

no lucas my comeback was 5 TIMES BETTER THAN YOURS ;)

:3 x Better:
Owned, Luca. You fucking blow, man. Go jump.

Let's just look at this from a logical standpoint. Peter Gilmour acts like he did something right, and even goes as far as to claim it to be "Five times better," no doubt a play on my own decree of being four times better which in and of itself was a dig at beating Feder. In essence, Gilmour is mocking Feder as well, and Feder being the knuckledragger he is, claims that I was the one he "owned," at the same time oblivious to how Gilmour insulted him harder.

Yeah, I got owned.

**12-07-2013, 07:06 PM**

Peter, every promo battle you get involved in ends in you crying. All we have to do is make fun of you being fat or bring up how gross looking your boyfriend is despite the numerous surgeries he's had.

~~Sid Feder~~ · (12-07-2013)

(12-07-2013, 06:45 PM)4 x Better Luca Arzegotti Said:
(12-07-2013, 06:39 PM)3xB+Hx2=4HK Sid Feder Said:
(12-07-2013, 06:30 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: no lucas my comeback was 5 TIMES BETTER THAN YOURS ;)

:3 x Better:
Owned, Luca. You fucking blow, man. Go jump.

Let's just look at this from a logical standpoint. Peter Gilmour acts like he did something right, and even goes as far as to claim it to be "Five times better," no doubt a play on my own decree of being four times better which in and of itself was a dig at beating Feder. In essence, Gilmour is mocking Feder as well, and Feder being the knuckledragger he is, claims that I was the one he "owned," at the same time oblivious to how Gilmour insulted him harder.

Yeah, I got owned.

:3 x Better:
Except I already own you, so your logic train that goes choo choo choo all the way to me being owned is pretty fucking derailed. Don't you see the train on its side?

What's that? You don't think I own you?

Your copy of the receipt is right in front of your name so you don't forget! You sure as fuck don't see me having to alter my alias to fit your moniker, do you? Instead, it's the guy who came out on bottom who is running around with a stolen and poorly adjusted name.

If anything, Luca, you could make the argument that Peter Gilmour cannot own what is already owned by Sid Feder.

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **12-07-2013, 07:48 PM**

(12-07-2013, 07:06 PM)John Madison Said: Peter, every promo battle you get involved in ends in you crying. All we have to do is make fun of you being fat or bring up how gross looking your boyfriend is despite the numerous surgeries he's had.

yet I still have this..

Peter holds up the Xtreme title proudly with a evil smirk on his face.

all u have is a fake vagina

~~Sid Feder~~ · **12-07-2013, 08:43 PM**

:3 x Better:
I don't know Peter, man, I'd say John's vagina has been authentic since the day he was born. Why take that away from him? Why call it fake?

**12-07-2013, 09:14 PM**

Yeah, Peter. Sid's right, I've been crushing you fools with this vag' since day one.

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **12-07-2013, 09:28 PM**

ok maddy im sory u have a smelly pussy!

**"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane** · (12-08-2013)

*sniff sniff*

Smells pretty good to me...

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **12-07-2013, 09:56 PM**

u sick fuck

Smoke · (12-08-2013)

See, I like it when arguments like this break out. Helps me learn my times-tables a little better.

Everyone gives Smoke a look.

That was a joke.

It does seem to me, however, that Luca is just spinning around in circles trying to come up with a consistent and real reason of why he perceives himself to be better than Feder... 4x better at that. But no matter how hard he tries Feder always ends up shooting him back down... along with Gilmour... cheering on the sidelines.

I think there is a point, Luca. A point you realise that you've been sitting on that high-horse a little too long to know what a real opponent is actually like. I haven't been around here long mind you, but it seems like you were pretty thankful that Feder was gone while you were holding that belt, because if he was here I doubt you would've held it for as long as you had.

You could say that I'm kissing Feder's ass, but I'm pretty certain that from my last encounter with him, he'll probably slap me in the face for mentioning his name multiple times and implying that I'm on the same side as him. And while I agree with his ideals, I at least know that he'd rather keep me at arm's length, since hey: 'I'm just some stupid kid'.

You can complain about everything I just said, but I think the main moral of that is...

Smoke pauses for effect, pretending he's thinking of what to say next.

Truth hurts.

And this whole thing about 'who's cash-in was more justified', the only thing that springs to mind is...

Can either of you fuckers win a Championship normally!?

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